She has not been herself for a week or so and yesterday she was diagnosed with chronic renal failure kidney damage, typical in older cats. She just hit 15 on October 11th.
To make a long story short, after spending an overnight trying to force water and food on her, I knew in my heart, that I had to let her go, and I did. She passed peacefully. I had the vet come to the house. I had her in my arms, my head right against hers, and I never felt her go. I tucked her into a beautiful Oriental themed box with fleece and a beautiful pillowcase and she looked asleep. The last thing she heard was my voice. I buried her in my small backyard and when I put the sod back, My dear friend Suzie , who witnessed this with me, noticed that there was clearly a heart shape in the moss. I placed a heart shaped rock there. It went way better than I would have thought, and I am gratefully at peace with my decision. One thing we seem to all have in common is deep love for our animal friends. Thanks all, for your support. It was a long day.